Hi Everyone!
So today marks two weeks since my surgery, time really does
fly!
In the last two weeks I have been out of the house four
times, twice for doctors appointments, once for a much needed breakfast date
with Coach and for my daughters KungFu grading (which I was NOT missing!!!).
I have watched more TV than I have probably in the last year and have possibly become addicted to "Duck Dynasty" "Mad Men" and "Homeland".
For those who know me, being shut in the house is a
challenge as I am usually on the go. Thank goodness for all my amazing
friends/family that have been visiting with coffee and news of the outside
world! Hahaha
This forced down time is really teaching me the importance
of time and healing. Not just physically but emotionally.
While I feel really good physically, better than I thought I
would at this point, I am having to constantly remind myself that I still need
to take it easy and rest.
Not being able to do household things like reaching into the
washing machine or stretch to put dishes away is frustrating. Letting go of all
the responsibility is even more so.
Mentally, this struggle is harder.
Being dedicated to losing weight and creating and
maintaining a healthy lifestyle has been my main focus for almost 3 years now.
Always planning, organizing and keeping active.
Now needing to rest and letting go, temporarily, of the
desire to push myself. The fear of how my body is going to react to the lack of
exercise and adding to all this the guilt that I feel for allowing myself to
get so far out of whack in the first place. As you might guess, there has
been much reflection happening.
At the end of the day, I’m not completely daft lol I know
that rest is the best thing for me. Pushing myself too much is just not worth
risking all the amazing work that the good doctors, coaches and I have done up
to this point.
As for everything else, well what’s done is done!
I did become morbidly obese… I chose to do something about
it and surrounded myself with genuine people that helped me become healthy… I
worked my ass off… gave no excuses, just did what I needed to… paid the price
physically, mentally and even monetarily to get where I am now.
I guess that earns me the right to forgive myself.
I’m sure that I will have many more ups and down in the
healing process but right now I’m feeling pretty peaceful.
Til next time,
I'll end with this "funny" cause I just couldn't resist :P...
Happy Happy Happy Hugs...
-Crystal :) xo
