Just in time, I'm suddenly feeling Super ;)

Hey Everyone!

So hot off the heels of my last blog, something happens to help me see the proverbial "light".

I had one of those Ah Ha moments today.

It was an early start today with work.
For those who don't know, I'm a makeup artist/production stylist & manager/little bit o everything needed. lol
Like I said, it was an early start today. We (the crew of the short film I'm working on) were setting out on a location scout, looking for cliffs, escarpments and the perfect forested areas for shooting some of the key scenes of Suddenly Super (that's the name of the film if you hadn't guessed! ;)

So this outing took us, you guessed it, hiking! Good old muddy, damp bushwhacking!!! hahaha

Feel free to reference Stand by Me lol 

It took all of about 5min for the majority of us to get soakers!

Gotta love that squishy feet sound! :P

When I say we went on a hike, I seriously mean we went hiking!!! I'm going to ballpark our excursion at about 3k... I could be off but we were out there for an hour and a half doing some serious trekking!  

Notice my new buddy Thomas helping guide me through the incline :)

Ok, so you're wondering when my AH HA moment came?

Well it was around the time we came to the top of one of the cliffs.

There we are... Myself and the crew Scott, Ange, Derek, Andy, Erik and Thomas checking out the beautiful surroundings and it hits me... there was a time, not too long ago, that I could have never made that trek! No way in hell. Period.

I think I said something to either Scott or Derek, as they've known me "before and after". I said to one of them "I'm really glad I'm not still fat". I know I said it jokingly at the time... truth is I was pretty close to losing it right there.

The realization, that I would've turned down the opportunity to work on such a cool project, because of my weight was a pretty big slap in the face.

How many other opportunities, projects or just plain cool things had I disregarded or lost out on experiencing?!

Well, not this one! 

Self esteem and confidence are things that I struggle with daily but today I had a little "wow" moment just for me. 

A moment that made me see the actual hills and rocks that I was able to climb, the physical things that were in my way that I navigated around and through and when needed, a hand from a friend or two to steady me incase I lost my footing. 

Metaphors of my journey being played out right before my eyes.

Sometimes we miss embracing the memories as they happen, only to have the flashbacks later. Today I was really in the moment. Obviously needing the message it was sending me.

In the true fashion of life imitating art for a brief moment, like the film we're making, I was suddenly super. 

 

Til next time...

Super hugs... Crystal :) xo

Getting back to ME...

Hey Everyone!

I know, it's been a while!

No excuse as to why I haven't posted a new blog or update, I've actually been writing quite a bit.
The problem isn't in not writing as I have ample amounts of inspiration, topics and feelings to feed from. Honestly, I think it's the immense amount of stuff I have to pull from that is causing me to lag in my posts!
Sounds weird I know!
I have so many blogs started that I haven't finished yet! lol Time to buckle down and wrap loose ends... or loose thoughts anyway! :P

So what's on my mind today? Well, Me actually!

Going through the healing process, lengthy as it is, has forced me to have more patience with myself both mentally and physically.
While the physical changes from surgery were pretty immediate (one day the skin was there, the next day it was gone) my mental and emotional state is still playing catch up.

Don't worry... I'm not "going off the deep end" at least not yet lol OR anymore than usual anyway! hahaha

I'm not going to blow smoke up your a$$ and say that after all the surgery I feel 100% better and confidant. Truth is, I feel physically better and satisfied in the fact that I can now see the results of 2years of hard work. Before this I couldn't look past the mess of skin to see what I HAD accomplished.

The flip side is that there is a whole new path of self discovery ahead. This isn't a bad thing! lol
Scary maybe, but not "bad".

Once you start stripping away the excuses of why you can't *fill in the blank* it becomes harder to hide from the real reason! Ooooohhhhh I'm getting all introspective and deep! hahahaa
Bear with me on this one though!
I used to tell myself "You're not as successful as you want to be because you're obese" then I lost weight.
Then it was "You're still hiding who you are because you're self conscious of the excess skin". Well that's no longer an excuse... soooooo.... what now?! lol Self discovery time!!!! hahaha
I'm running out of places to hide! YIKES!!!! lol

That was a lot of babbling to let you know that all your patience with my sporadic blogs, rants etc. is appreciated and hopefully insightful and helpful?!

I have found though that getting back to "me" is easier when I turn to the outlets that helped me get to this place... NOT FOOD!!! lol

I have been cleared to resume all physical activity again (being mindful and careful of course).
So with that in mind, I headed straight for bootcamp and Coach Compton! lol (surprise, surprise!) ;)

This is another place where patience with myself is greatly needed!

I have now done three nights at camp and at some point I have cried. Not an all out sobbing bawl fest but more of an internal struggle between the abilities I had and the abilities I'm working with now.

Patience... I'm fully aware that I will get back to that place and surpass where I once was.
This does not make it easier mind you.

So here I am my first real night back... getting ready to do some squats!

Leg lifts are pretty challenging at this point, any ab work is tough really. I take it really slow.

And this is pretty self explanatory! LOL I don't recommend EVER flipping off your trainer. This was more of an FU I did it!!! hahahahaaaa

Wow I was super chatty today! :P

I'll be posting all those filed blogs soon for your reading entertainment!

Til next time...

Healing hugs... Crystal :) xo